first day at the new school

I've cried twice today.

Once, during school lunch, while one of my students was speaking with the principal. He had been testing me all morning with different behaviors that I'd managed to, for the most part, ignore or deal with quickly. As the class filed to class, I heard him call a younger class "a*****s." That earned a "step to the side, please," from me.

After speaking with him, and several of his old teachers stopping by to check in with him, he went to get his school lunch. At which point the negative language and attitude continued. I made sure he had everything he needed and told him we'd be going upstairs. Not liking this loss of lunch with the rest of the class, he proceeded to start cursing without pause.

I have encountered (and grown to love) many students with emotional and behavior challenges. Each of them, though, has shown me some sign of truly wanting to start off the school year well. They have also shown me that they want to be accepted, they want to do well, even if sometimes this is hard and scary and they act out because of it. Granted it was day 1, but this child showed me no signs of wanting anything positive from me. And therein lies the challenge.

This blog is filled with anecdotes and letters from my past students with whom I have developed great bonds. I have loved my students, and I have been fortunate enough to have my students love me back. I am having a moment where I am feeling afraid... what happens if one (or even more) really don't want to be in my class? Will I still be able to ensure that all students learn what they need to during the year?